Marital Relationship

                                               Husbands and Wives

Our elders, gurus and scholars have emphasized from time immemorial that education is key in understanding each other. It also uplifts the human existence giving culture and civility. Technical advancement helps in expanding cultural exchanges and knowledge and leads to a tremendous amount of spiritual growth. The value of his education has been emphasized by our ancient scholars and rishis and made abundantly available in the Vedas and Upanishads, and numerous other texts that focus on deep research and penance.

But advancement has also come to humanity at a great cost.  The rapid pace of growth has on the one hand ushered in luxury and a certain ease in acquiring commodities to enhance our lives, and on the other destroyed inner peace and tranquility. Children are alienated from parents and unable to communicate, joint families have splintered into nuclear ones, and neighbors become strangers to each other. Therefore, the question arises—what is the value of education if it is taking away love from our hearts?

It is my endeavor here to analyze the very basis of family life which is marriage. The union of a man and his bride is celebrated with much aplomb on the wedding day and indicates the union of not only two individuals but also two families. However, in contemporary cultures marriages seem to be crumbling with great rapidly not too long after the day on which a wedding is celebrated. Logic would dictate that educated couples would be able to maintain steady familial relationships and refrain from break up of their marriage. This is not the case and divorces rates are increasing at rapid rates. The seven vows that couples take on their wedding day seem to evaporate in no time.

Outlined below are some additional pearls of wisdom in addition to the tenets contained in the marriage vows that couples take when they get married. If husbands and wives judiciously follow these guidelines, their compatibility would only be enhanced leading to a long and healthy married life. A healthy marriage would be the catalyst to further civilizational progress and aid in overall peace and serenity.

       Advice for husbands

1.                  Do not attend any social functions like marriages and parties without your wife.

2.                  Whenever your wife accompanies you, never leave her alone and get engrossed with your friends. Sit or stay with your wife at all times.

3.                  Always open the door of any vehicle and let your wife be seated first before occupying your own seat.

4.                  Whenever you eat food prepared and served by your wife and you really like it, praise her as well as her cooking. Even if it is not to your taste and spicier than preferred, explain with love and compassion that you like the food even though it was on the spicy side.

5.                  Always exhibit a keen interest in all domestic matters with your wife.

6.                  Always give your wife presents on special occasions.

7.                  Never compare your wife with your mother or sisters.

8.                  Husbands should never hit their wives under any circumstance. This one act will take away all wealth and prosperity from the marital home.

9.                  In case of friction between both of you, retreat to your bedroom to solve the matter.

10.              If some extraneous person complains about your wife, do not jump to any conclusion or act impulsively. Do not believe anyone’s statements but instead talk privately with your wife to arrive at a conclusion.

11.              Make all important decisions related to your family in close consultation with your wife.

12.              When buying property, give equal right to your wife. Always consider her suggestions before making a decision.

13.              Always take your wife and children to religious places. This will please God and also inculcate good values in your children.

14.              On any auspicious occasion or event, always ensure that your wife accompanies you.

15.              When your wife is pregnant and needs to go for doctor’s appointments, make sure you accompany her. This will give her and the unborn child dignity and happiness.

16.              Do not speak ill of you’re your wife in front of relatives and friends.

17.              Do not speak of your marital life outside your union.

18.              If you have women friends and colleagues, always introduce them to your wife. If they invite you to functions, always ensure that you take your wife to those functions.

19.              Always share the events of your daily life with your wife so that she feels an inseparable part of your life.

20.              Do not show your temper or use foul language with your wife in front of your children, parents or siblings.

21.              Always keep your wife’s likes and dislikes and desires when making love to her.

22.              Always accord full respect your wife’s parents and siblings.

23.              Give most domestic responsibilities to your wife.

24.              Always listen to your wife when she wishes to talk to you even if you are very busy.

25.              Do not consider your wife an object of desire or a housemaid. She is part of your being.

26.              Always be together when enjoying pleasurable activities.

27.              Even if there is some animosity between you and your wife, never display this before your friends and relatives. Show complete respect and admiration for her in public.

28.              Keep your wife informed about all your assets.

29.              Do not ill-treat or mistrust your wife at the provocation of your mother or sisters.  Understand that women can be each other’s most formidable enemies.

30.              Give equal importance to your wife when making decisions pertaining to your children’s education or marriages.

31.              Do not leave your wife alone with your male friends or send her anywhere with them.

32.              Do not blame your wife for producing only female offspring since you bear that responsibility as well.

33.               A husband and wife relationship is the most pious union in the world. After marriage your wife is your most important priority since she has forsaken all other relationships to be your wife. Protect your marriage in all ways possible.

 

           Advice for wives

           

                  A wife is equally responsible for the happiness and success of her family. The

                  Following are some guidelines which if followed faithfully will never    

                  generate any conflict in the home.

1.                  When your husband comes home from work, give him a glass of water to

drink and greet him with a smile.

2.                  If you are agitated with him for some reason, wait until he unwinds before

begin a discussion. Do not complain to him at his work or on the phone

when he is returning home.

3.                  Keep him informed of all that has occurred during the day.

4.           Only anger or only love are not sufficient to run a home. Balance these forces so that it ensures a smoothly run household. 

5.           When buying anything expensive, always ask for your husband’s advice, suggestion and permission.

6.           When choosing your outfits, jewelry and make up, always keep your husbands likes and dislikes in mind.

7.           Do not hide any conversations that you may have had with your parents or siblings.

8.           Always keep your husband apprised of all the household expenses.

9.           In the event that you need to help someone financially, do not do so without the knowledge of your husband. You must have his confidence.

10.       Keep your husband’s preference for food in mind when cooking and let him know that you have made something special for him.  

11.       Wait for the right moment to express your feelings to your husband and do so privately.

12.       Do not be suspicious of your husband based on rumors even from your close friends.

13.      To insult your husband or let him down when he is not fully informed about a situation is unacceptable.

14.       Do not speak ill of your husband in front of family or friends.

15.       Do not discuss your marital relations in front of anyone else.

16.       If you have difference of opinion with your in-laws do not taunt your husband with those complaints. Instead try and resolve the problem peacefully.

17.       Do not show anger at your husband at the dinner table or in front of your children or other family members. Talk things over in the privacy of your bedroom.

18.       If your husband is the member of a group and makes a mistake, do not laugh at him or ridicule him even if other members of the group do so. Instead, extend your full support to him.

19.       When your husband is driving do not interrupt him or start a quarrel with him.

20.       Stay by your husband’s side at parties and other gatherings.  If you move away to speak to your friends, bring them to your husband and introduce them to him.

21.       Do not hide any illness from your husband. Tell him and try and get timely treatment.

22.       Respect your in-laws in the same way that you respect your parents and relatives.

23.       Do not sulk or show a negative attitude when your parents, in-laws or your husband’s relatives arrive at your home. Greet them with a smile and serve them to the best of your ability.

 

 

By: Dr. Rajendra Sharma